THE PRACTITIONER

No, I’m not in my office thwarting a terrorist attack by uncovering a secret conspiracy to infiltrate the federal government… but nonetheless, I was reminded of work while watching last night’s “24.” The show is definitely a guilty pleasure, and I suspend disbelief and let them get away with a lot in the name of entertainment – especially when Chloe O’Brien talks tech. Well, last night I decided to pay closer attention to a conversation between Chloe and Janeane Garafalo’s character, Janis.

I forgot the rest of the conversation, but I remember hearing Janis later claim that she had performed a “systems check” and I wondered if that differed from a “systems analysis.” You catch the drift – it’s complete nonsense. What does any of that really mean? It reminded me of so many press releases I have seen over my years in technology PR.

Janis: Are you busy?
Chloe: I’m reformatting the server, so I guess you could say I’m pretty busy
Janis: Well I performed a systems analysis and there is an irregularity…

Companies frequently make claims like they “streamline operations,” or “streamline processes.” In fact, I just caught a major software vendor use the word twice in one press release. Reading it was like hearing Janis say she had performed both a systems analysis and a systems check! What are they really saying, and who is buying the slew of tech buzzwords? No one.

People may be able to suspend disbelief while watching their favorite television show, but those that are looking to make a major technology purchase need specifics. They’re looking for more than just jargon – they need claims to be backed up and explained in simple English – using words that actually mean something.